Even on April 1st you couldn't make it up

Yes, it's April Fool's Day, but our current crop of politicians are almost beyond parody (only 'almost') - the things they do and say ought to be jokes, but sadly are real. One such is Education Secretary Michael Gove whose idiocy and refusal to acknowledge viewpoints other than his own are becoming legendary. Here's a little of what I think of him in only-slightly sweary poem/song form.

Mr Facepalm

Education ruined by Michael Gove,
ministerial stupidity, no brain, no soul,
turning schools into high-street chainstore academies,
teaching how not to question, tarmacadaming
over kids’ minds to make them compliant
drones, consumers, never defiant,
this is Newthink as Orwell would’ve said,
erasing troublesome concepts from children’s heads,
you believe you know best don’t you, by Jove,
though your policies mean teachers leaving in droves,
visiting classes you get Wham! Rappable,
but that doesn’t make your face any less slappable.

So get another job, get out of the House,
you’re incompetent, no sense, no nous.

An over-elevated knob promoting ideology,
you know nowt about nowt, let alone the ‘ologies,
with gormless reforms that’ll kill off the Arts
and creativity, leaving just the three Rs,
but you’re barely literate, can’t do the maths,
to ‘improve year on year’ is impossible you twat.
If you get your way, there’ll be nothing but reciting
‘two fours are eight’ but learning should be exciting,
knowledge for its own sake, not a business proposition,
so sit the fuck down, pin your ears back and listen,
there’s more to life than birth-work-spend-death,
the world is vibrant, not a giant Dragon’s Den.

So, Gove, it’s time to resign,
let ideas fly and youngsters shine.

You’re in the wrong post, mis-promoted,
spreading evil for a government that nobody voted
for, and you want us more like the Chinese
in the Tiananmen Square of your opinions, on our knees,
planning future generations who’ve never been taught
how to disobey, have original thoughts,
brave new epsilons, forelock-tuggers,
who roll over when approached by Etonian muggers,
you blame Blackadder for the way we see
World War One ‘glories’ as hypocrisy,
while in Westminster’s security officer ranks,
guarding you’s referred to as ‘walking the plank’.